Please Rethink This
Dear Theodore,
I heard from Jess yesterday that you and Felicia are engaged to be married shortly. Congratulations!! I've been wanting to write to you for a while, and now I finally have an excuse!
Since you and I are both turning 30 this month, I've recently been giving a lot of thought to the time that we spent together in the thick of our 20's on that Christian ranch in New Mexico. It was a really fun time! Your wealth and the illusion of our future being full of endless possibilities sure helped. Me being drunk and unaware that I was an athiest toppled the whole fun-o-meter for us! It was always the best feeling when I'd be sitting on that porch swing on Father Adlai's lap, drinking my Franzia, and you'd bust through those old gates in your Range Rover blasting Pearl Jam on your stereo, announcing your gallant return from Albequerque's frightening world of hedge fund management. I would run to you in the fashion of romance films from Hollywood's golden age, my bosom hot, and spilling from my self-revised low-cut pioneer dress. We would make out like children in the tall grasses, thinking of nothing but tall grasses.
My sister told me when I left the ranch that I should put my theoretical physics hobby to rest, and return to where I belonged. You don't know this, but I toyed with the idea of moving back to Zion's Waiting Room to be with you. My plan was to start a Carlos Castaneda book club for the ranchers in order to pacify my craving for a more scientific understanding of the universe and existence. But when I sent you a telegraph and I never heard back, I knew that all was lost.
Are you registered at a major department store? There's a Bed, Bath, and Beyond right near where I live.
I always imagined, although I left the ranch for the more freethinking ways of the libidinous west coast, that one day we would meet again in an airport terminal, you heading to Albequerque, me heading to Los Angeles, and we'd decide to board a different plane together and go someplace like the Marquesas. This was such an original idea that I decided to research it's plausibility. I began stalking you on every internet site where I might find you. I tracked your schedule through casual conversations I had with Jess. I was going to intercept you in St. Louis last March, but I was wheelchair-bound at the time, due to an accident I had while building a novice long-range missile with some gay friends.
I know that during this time you were splitting your days between the ranch and Houston, and I was aware that you had cultivated relationships with modern women. It gave my heart a little race, and I knew once again that I had lost you... even more than I lost you when I left the ranch and didn't receive a telegraph back from you. I called you on your cell phone once, and you told me never to call you again. That was when I knew that I'd lost you even more than I lost you when I knew that I lost you more than when I left the ranch.
Your parents in Houston were always so kind to me, and your God was always so gentle in my punishments. Remember when I cheated on you? All that God directed me to do was to cope with my mistake and to never, ever tell you about it because all it could do was hurt you. I'm so glad I listened to the word of God. Aren't you?
I miss you very much, and I wish that Felicia would be more open to us being friends. I actually feel like I don't have very many friends now that I no longer live on the ranch. What was I thinking?! I never should have left you. Father Adlai must hate me now. Am I considered an enemy of Zion's Waiting Room Ranch?
So I hear the wedding is going to be on the lake! That sounds wonderful. It seems like you may have sent my invitation to the wrong address, because the wedding is in two weeks and I still haven't received my invitation. Can I borrow your boat while I'm there?
Really, Theo, what are you thinking? How long have you even known Felicia? I'm not going to go all the ending of The Graduate on you or anything, but I thought it was you and me forever, even though we could never be together. Please rethink this slapdash decision you are making. Are you sure you really want to go through with this? Is it just because you're turning 30? Is it because you're gay and you don't want the Church to know? Why must you do this to me?!? It was supposed to be us. Call it off, Theo, and I promise: I will never contact you again.
My love,
Maria
P.S. I already bought a ticket on Virgin America for the weekend of the ceremony so please let me know if you do decide to cancel the wedding, and if so, what your plans are for that weekend. We could have lunch or meet up for some outlet shopping.
I heard from Jess yesterday that you and Felicia are engaged to be married shortly. Congratulations!! I've been wanting to write to you for a while, and now I finally have an excuse!
Since you and I are both turning 30 this month, I've recently been giving a lot of thought to the time that we spent together in the thick of our 20's on that Christian ranch in New Mexico. It was a really fun time! Your wealth and the illusion of our future being full of endless possibilities sure helped. Me being drunk and unaware that I was an athiest toppled the whole fun-o-meter for us! It was always the best feeling when I'd be sitting on that porch swing on Father Adlai's lap, drinking my Franzia, and you'd bust through those old gates in your Range Rover blasting Pearl Jam on your stereo, announcing your gallant return from Albequerque's frightening world of hedge fund management. I would run to you in the fashion of romance films from Hollywood's golden age, my bosom hot, and spilling from my self-revised low-cut pioneer dress. We would make out like children in the tall grasses, thinking of nothing but tall grasses.
My sister told me when I left the ranch that I should put my theoretical physics hobby to rest, and return to where I belonged. You don't know this, but I toyed with the idea of moving back to Zion's Waiting Room to be with you. My plan was to start a Carlos Castaneda book club for the ranchers in order to pacify my craving for a more scientific understanding of the universe and existence. But when I sent you a telegraph and I never heard back, I knew that all was lost.
Are you registered at a major department store? There's a Bed, Bath, and Beyond right near where I live.
I always imagined, although I left the ranch for the more freethinking ways of the libidinous west coast, that one day we would meet again in an airport terminal, you heading to Albequerque, me heading to Los Angeles, and we'd decide to board a different plane together and go someplace like the Marquesas. This was such an original idea that I decided to research it's plausibility. I began stalking you on every internet site where I might find you. I tracked your schedule through casual conversations I had with Jess. I was going to intercept you in St. Louis last March, but I was wheelchair-bound at the time, due to an accident I had while building a novice long-range missile with some gay friends.
I know that during this time you were splitting your days between the ranch and Houston, and I was aware that you had cultivated relationships with modern women. It gave my heart a little race, and I knew once again that I had lost you... even more than I lost you when I left the ranch and didn't receive a telegraph back from you. I called you on your cell phone once, and you told me never to call you again. That was when I knew that I'd lost you even more than I lost you when I knew that I lost you more than when I left the ranch.
Your parents in Houston were always so kind to me, and your God was always so gentle in my punishments. Remember when I cheated on you? All that God directed me to do was to cope with my mistake and to never, ever tell you about it because all it could do was hurt you. I'm so glad I listened to the word of God. Aren't you?
I miss you very much, and I wish that Felicia would be more open to us being friends. I actually feel like I don't have very many friends now that I no longer live on the ranch. What was I thinking?! I never should have left you. Father Adlai must hate me now. Am I considered an enemy of Zion's Waiting Room Ranch?
So I hear the wedding is going to be on the lake! That sounds wonderful. It seems like you may have sent my invitation to the wrong address, because the wedding is in two weeks and I still haven't received my invitation. Can I borrow your boat while I'm there?
Really, Theo, what are you thinking? How long have you even known Felicia? I'm not going to go all the ending of The Graduate on you or anything, but I thought it was you and me forever, even though we could never be together. Please rethink this slapdash decision you are making. Are you sure you really want to go through with this? Is it just because you're turning 30? Is it because you're gay and you don't want the Church to know? Why must you do this to me?!? It was supposed to be us. Call it off, Theo, and I promise: I will never contact you again.
My love,
Maria
P.S. I already bought a ticket on Virgin America for the weekend of the ceremony so please let me know if you do decide to cancel the wedding, and if so, what your plans are for that weekend. We could have lunch or meet up for some outlet shopping.
posted by Kir at 11:48 AM
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