Eckhart Tolle is Exercising Freaky Mind Control

The other night I couldn't get to sleep because I was having lucid nightmares that Eckhart Tolle was the Anti-Christ and he was controlling the masses with his slow and calculated musings which are not actually so profound, but only a little bit profound in that when you speak very slowly about topics that make people contemplative by the nature of the subject at hand, people are given more time to latch on to each word and internalize the meanings of the words. He speaks half as fast as normal people, so we have twice as much time to make up our own deep meanings for all the junk he's spewing. I'd like to see a video of Eckhart Tolle at double-speed, not just because I think it would render his words useless, but because he looks like a chipmunk too, and it would be pretty fun to watch the guy who spearheaded the apocalypse of my Monday night turn into a Chipmunk.